Many people have problems with establishing relationships online. This may be because 'online' is still a fairly new meeting ground, and we lack general information, books, and articles on how to do it well.
We can easily find information on how to talk to a stranger and what to do to establish a lasting relationship while meeting someone face to face. Only now, in the era of the pandemic, people have become more interested in online communication.
How to talk to a stranger on social media and avoid a faux pas?
Let me give you examples of how NOT to chat people up and how NOT to conduct business online.
1. "Hi! How are you? I have a great project for you!"
Imagine that a stranger sends you this message and offers to participate in a “great project”. As this happens daily, you probably don’t have to imagine it. How do you feel about a proposition like that? Are you interested or are you going to ignore this message?
If you wouldn’t offer this to a stranger by talking to them face to face, why would you do this online? Remember that building an online relationship is very similar to live meetings. It’s a good idea to think about small talk and things you have in common, to develop your relationship first and build trust later.
2. "Hey, my name is Tom. Our company is the best on the market..."
First, always think about WHY you are sending this message as the above may be considered bragging. Moreover, the person to whom this message was sent to might ask “so what?” or “how do you know YOUR company is the best?”
Secondly, do your homework and find out who the person you are writing to is, what they do and what interests them. Just like in a live meeting, don’t overburden the other person with stories about yourself and your company, but make them want to know more.
3. "HELLO, YOU WANT TO EARN A LOT OF MONEY WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR HOME?"
This text screams… to ignore it! We understand, this is important to you, the investment has paid off, and you want to share the experience, BUT just like in the previous cases — find out something about the other person before offering anything. Do not send cold messages because you will only alienate the other person.
We often assume that everyone would like to earn a lot of money without leaving their home, but such a message will not work if you do not build a relationship first.
Pro Tip: in Poland, it is polite to write you with a capital letter, but remember not to do it in English because it may be taken the wrong way.
4. "Hello, I've looked at your profile and you seem perfect for this project"
On the one hand, this sounds as if someone actually looked at our profile. However, you must remember to personalize your message.
For example, if you’re writing to your mentor because you’d like to connect with him on LinkedIn, be sure to mention where you met, under what circumstances, and even what you were talking about. This message sounds more credible than the generic “I was looking at your profile”.
By sending such messages to a stranger on social media, you may be received as an email cold caller. Start by following this person on LinkedIn, comment under articles and posts, get noticed, and then invite them to be your acquaintance.
5. "Hey, do you have 5 minutes to review our 30-minute presentation?"
First thought? Waste of time. How many times have you been invited to an “interesting” presentation that turned out to be a sales pitch? How did you feel? Cheated? Angry?
First, make yourself visible online, run a webinar, give people a sample of what you offer, post more info on your fan page. Only then it is worth presenting your offer to people who actually showed interest. Otherwise, it will be a waste of time for you and your prospect.
Comment straight from a Facebook live:
“(Meeting) Face to face is much more difficult because you are in contact with a living person, and you can hear NO! People don't like to hear that word."
6. "Hey, will you like my fan page?"
Many people who start their fan page invite all their Facebook friends to visit it, thinking that the more likes, the better. Facebook does not agree. It turns out that the algorithm detects that your friends are not really interested in what you are doing (the ugly truth), they are not leaving thumbs up for your posts nor comment them, thus lowering the number of people involved on the page, which leads to your posts being shown to fewer people.
This means that it is not the quantity but the quality of your fans that counts the most.
On LinkedIn, the algorithm detects that if you have 500+ friends, your profile is treated more favourably. But it’s worth asking yourself one question – are the people on your friend list useful contacts? Will you be able to get in touch with them if you need to?
7. [No message]
If you are not going to build a relationship with the person you invited to your friends’ list, why do it at all? Many times I encountered people inviting someone to be friends on Facebook, but not even saying hello to them. Such contact on social media is worthless — well, unless someone collects people, like collectors’ cards.
8. We have to talk – it CANNOT wait!
Someone sent you this message, and you drop everything, call back and… it turns out that they want to sell you something you’re not interested in. Again, you feel cheated and have wasted time.
It is possible that this tactic sometimes works, but the chances are it won’t. You can get a client, but you can also lose one. Is it worth it? Answer yourself.
The above ideas are just examples of how NOT to sell online (and how not to establish a relationship). I have a few more general tips for you on how to talk to a stranger online and how to establish a new relationship.
At the very beginning of the conversation, avoid dividing topics, such as children, politics, sports, pandemics. Remember that everyone has a right to their opinion, and that opinion may not necessarily be exactly like yours.
Adapt your communication to the other person’s – if they write in short sentences, mirror them. Just as in a live meeting, you wouldn’t talk over the other person, try to limit yourself here as well. And do not use abbreviations, at least at the beginning because someone might take your LOL for not being professional enough.
Finally, a summary quote straight from Facebook:
"It (communication) all depends on the level of the relationship."
