Did you know that the father of personal development, Dale Carnegie, wrote that to win friends and influence people, you should give them compliments? If not, I highly recommend you read his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". You will learn step by step how to build lasting and strong relationships that will help you grow and change your life.
The mistake you're making in building relationships is… lack of compliments!
Most of us experience anxiety, uncertainty and even stress when we want to say something nice about another person. It’s our culture and traditions that inhibit us in this way. This of course varies for each nation but especially influence eastern European countries. If you’ve been taught that compliments are lies, you will think that giving them is a lack of honesty. But where does this approach come from?
First of all, for example, the Polish language dictionary describes compliments as polite, often exaggerated praise; flattery. Compared to the Cambridge Dictionary, where a compliment is considered a sign of acceptance, admiration and respect, the Polish meaning sounds much more negative.
Why Give Compliments?
“You should be authentic in giving compliments because they have the greatest impact. You can find something valuable in everyone, you just have to look carefully. "
A sincere compliment is a magic word that can improve this person day, put a smile on their face and improve their self-confidence. Thanks to this, they will have a better attitude towards you, your communication will be smoother and will turn out well. Remember that a sincere compliment can give someone confidence, make them feel beautiful, wise, noticed, or needed.
Compliments are slowly becoming a part of the new communication style. Even when giving feedback to employees, modern managers remember to start with highlighting the good things first, and then move on to the things that need to be improved.
Fortunately, we encounter less and less manipulation or persuasion techniques on our way to personal development. Nowadays, modern companies focus on promoting communication that is positive and focused on partnership instead of deceit.
What are the types of compliments?
“Compliments should express your feelings, impressions about a given person, or a situation”.
To obtain the required effect, the compliment should be honest and specific. Don’t force compliments just to achieve your goal because you may lose too much (e.g. a relationship) when the truth comes out. And as a rule, insincerity and lies tend to come out at the least expected moment.
There are 4 types of compliments that we can use in social and business relationships:
- Complimenting external appearance
- Complimenting qualifications and skills
- Complimenting character or person in general
- A boomerang that returns with a double strength.
Now look at the person closest to you and think about at least one compliment of each type. What for? To practice! As with any area of life, nothing comes easily from the very beginning, you should focus on your goal and practice every day. You may find it difficult to find even one thing to compliment at first, but don’t worry, it will become your second nature over time.
What will you gain by giving compliments?
Sincere compliments will win you the sympathy of the person you are talking to. If you’ve just met, you have a better chance of being remembered and building a lasting relationship later. Also, think about the satisfaction you will feel when the person you are talking to will change from a pessimist into an optimist thanks to your compliment.
In the long term, people will remember you better and will want to work with you.
How do you take a compliment?
"Why does praise feel like a hot potato for us? Because we usually don't know how to accept it, we don't know what to do."
Accepting compliments may be more complicated than it should be, especially when we have been conditioned to be shy and modest. It often happens that our upbringing makes us too modest and accepting compliments ends when we deny a compliment: “It’s not true, I only just started…” or “Ha, ha, don’t joke.”
If you do react like this, know that it is worth changing it and start accepting compliments professionally without taking away the positive energy from the other person. Think about how you would feel if you told someone they did a great presentation, and you heard in response: “Oh, you’re exaggerating!” You can feel discouraged right away because you wouldn’t be lying or exaggerating!
Taking a compliment can be difficult, especially when our beliefs are stopping us. Learn how to overcome your limiting beliefs and accept the compliments easily.
What are you afraid of while giving compliments?
It can be difficult to compliment someone when you are concerned about a negative reaction from the other person. You may be afraid of being rejected or even exposed to ridicule because what if you say something wrong?
Note that this often happens even in our families. If you have children or a spouse, this situation has probably happened more than once. Suddenly, you notice that your son or daughter cleaned their room and now came and thanked you for working so hard. Suspicious, right? Or the husband, paying a compliment to his wife, saying “you look beautiful today” and meets with “what do you want?”
Pay close attention to situations in your life that, where you assume someone’s intentions. It is important both in private and in business life. When you start complimenting consciously and selflessly, you will see people thrive instead of closing in on their fears.
Remember—a day without a compliment is a day wasted!
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